My Bucket List...So Far.

* Attend Christmas Eve mass at the Vatican.
* Celebrate New Year's Eve in Times Square.
* Learn how to ski.
* Own a boat.
* Publish a book.
* Walk on a glacier in Alaska.

It's a work in progress. I just thought I'd get these first few items down before they got lost in the vastness of my brain. I'm being selective with my goals, and as such, not everything makes the list. Just the big stuff.

Peeking from Under the Covers

I may have spoken too soon. I am blessed beyond measure but the Christmas season and the end of this year have been full of more challenges than the entire year combined. I'm ready to start fresh and I sense that I'm not alone. The unexpected is becoming something to be expected...for many I know.

Personally, I've been dealing with my own emotional roller coaster while also trying to share and handle the situation with my overworked significant other. We've had many a heated discussion in the past two weeks (though thankfully all have been beautifully resolved). My grandfather has been in and out of the hospital, and as such, my parents have been up and down the state trying to help care for him. He is now in a nursing home. Then...my mother got sick and then my sister got sick. We have had to rearrange our Stemzynski Christmas a couple times already. I'm still waiting for someone else to get sick before our newly scheduled get-together this coming Wednesday. My place of employment almost burned down yesterday when an electrical short caused the building to fill with smoke. Today, there is a lingering smell of something terrible which is making my stomach turn over repeatedly. My co-workers have been sick and/or have sick relatives in the hospital. And to top it all off, Jason and I have no power, heat or cell phone service today...hence the reason I am at work unexpectedly on a Sunday. Sigh. CRAZY! What a lesson in patience. I'm trying to remember that God has everything planned out and that He works all things for good (even if we can't immediately understand). But I'm telling you...when Jason and I regain our power but our chimney is suddenly knocked down by the driving winds and we are unable to go up north because we have to deal with a big hole in our house...I might just crawl under the covers and not come out for several weeks regardless of my beliefs.

But the good news is that my grandfather is still with us. He's doing better than he was in previous days. He might not be at home where I'm sure he'd rather be but he may possibly be on the mend. My parents are back up north at home and feeling healthier. Jason and I had a good Christmas Eve and Day, celebrating with his family. We had two really, really super dinners. We had fun playing with our Wii. We were able to throw a totally last-minute "party" for our friends last night before we lost power. And, I found out that I got an A in my very last graduate class at Wayne State. Yay! I'm totally looking forward to a new year minus homework!! So...all's not lost. Hopefully things will turn around. Hopefully Jason and I will have power by tonight. Hopefully no one else gets sick and I can finally see my family and celebrate Christmas in a couple days. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

For now...I'm going to try and continue to make the best of my situation. At least I'm in a warm building with lights, even if it smells funny and is filled with expectant people.

Muscle Kinks and Other Stuff

Shhhh...quiet. It's a library. Even the sound of my typing seems totally and completely amplified today. Our air conditioning was apparently turned off yesterday night, something which seems a long time coming if you ask me. In our ancient building, turning off the air conditioning amounts to stopping large fans (or something similar...I'm no heating and cooling specialist) and, as such, an unbelievable source of white noise. It's noticeable immediately. I walked in the door to work today and just stopped. I started whispering to everyone. It was my natural response. It feels weird. I can hear everything...everything. The ringing phone makes me jump. I felt badly about chewing a cracker earlier as I felt it was too noisy. I think I could probably hear a cotton ball touching a piece of felt on the other side of the library (thank you Seinfeld for the reference). Now I can make-believe that I am a true librarian...the sort to shush people.

Not everyone was hip to the change in the overall noise level of the library today, however. I still had children coming in having mini-meltdowns as they played right behind my chair all day. Our big round cushion was particularly attractive today. Everyone saw a trampoline instead of a place to sit. I was waiting for someone to jump all the way through. I could literally feel my muscles tensing up all day. I had puzzles pieces tossed around in anger. Stuffed animals were subjected to unnecessary abuse during the fracas. I had whining and hitting. I had flustered parents. I had it all. And...to top it all off, one crazy group was always replaced by another. I would get all excited to hear parents declare that it was time to go, but as soon as the kids' coats and gloves were on and they appeared to be moving towards to door, another group would enter, shed their outerwear, and begin tearing into the place. My muscles never had time to relax. Sigh.

Though...HA!...nothing could be as bad as yesterday when I had a mother bring her daughter to morning storytime at 10:30 a.m. and then stay all day. The little girl is probably about two, perhaps two-and-a-half, young enough to get lunch and a nap. "Annie" saw neither of those things yesterday. It made me tired to even think about it. They finally left around 4:00 p.m. "Annie" was carried out shrieking, surprise of surprises. She had several meltdowns throughout the day. No nap will do that to kids, you know. It's a wonder that her mother does not. She stays too late with her every single week. All the other mothers have taken their kids home by lunchtime. Not "Annie's" mother. She's a trooper. She stays into the afternoon, though never as late as 4:00 p.m. before, all the time. Poor "Annie." The library isn't that interesting.

Weeeell, I had more to say but waited too long before starting this blog. The library is closing in a few minutes and I will be vacating my seat in favor of braving the cold weather on my journey home. I have about a hundred more ornaments to hang on our tree tonight. I swear, Jason and I have more ornaments after four years together than most people. Our tree is full, and I mean FULL, every year. It's a big job, ornament-hanging. Anywho, those are my evening plans. Wish me luck. Later peeps!

My Year of Blessings

Soon I will be kneeling before God on Christmas Eve, reflecting on the past year by glow of candlelight, soft music swirling around me, my husband by my side.

It has been a very good year. God has certainly been walking by my side, and I am forever thankful. My blessings are His doing.

Five babies have been born into my circle of family and friends. Merry first Christmas to Evan, Katie, Jacob, Grace and Isobel. Welcome to the world. I love you all.

My parents have found happiness in a house up north, and it is beautiful. It is certainly the perfect place to begin new memories and honor the old. I look forward to many happy tomorrows in Harbor Springs.

Though I had to say goodbye to my childhood home, two strangers have moved in, eager to start creating memories with their newborn daughter. I wish them nothing but joy. I hope my home will bring them much comfort and pleasure.

I will be finishing my Master's Degree in Library and Information Science from Wayne State University in another couple weeks. I received a envelope from the Alumni Society today and burst into tears. I suppose I didn't realize how happy I would honestly be to complete my journey.

My husband and I enjoyed an amazing trip to Paris, viewing priceless works of art and history. We ate a candlelit dinner by the Seine and kissed at the top of the Eiffel Tower. Our trip was proof that sometimes a struggle can bring about unexpected gifts.

And for all the other blessings, the day-to-day triumphs, the kisses at the door, the hand reached out to hold mine, the warm home, the financial security, the conversations with friends, the laughter and now, the happy tears.

Though there have certainly been trials, I sometimes stop and wonder how I deserve so much happiness. How did I get here this year? I am blessed beyond measure. When I light my candle this year and prepare to sing Silent Night, I will be remembering everything I have just written about, and I will be thanking God.

"Heaven's not beyond the clouds. It's for us to find here."
Garth Brooks

Is It Spring?

There is a lady at the circulation desk right now, as I type, who is wearing capri pants and flip-flops. Is 30 degrees the new 80? I sure hope she just came from an evening yoga class and didn't bother to change 'cause otherwise she's got no reason to dress that way. Crazy. Hmmm...and by contrast, here comes a little girl wearing a winter coat, complete with clipped-on mittens and a big fuzzy hood. Oh...and closed-toed shoes on her feet...and probably socks, too. How novel.

I should be peeling "new" stickers from books right now but I'm enjoying the idea of sitting here. Maybe I'll even grab a chocolatety snack. I've already peeled about a hundred stickers. I need a break. I've been going through the books on the "new" bookshelf and weeding out the older purchases, the "un-new" books. We need to make room for the Christmas and Hanukkah books. We have about a million. Sigh. I still have two hours left. I've got time.

SNORE!

Okay. I thought I could write tonight but I'm way too sleepy. I'll have to muster up my brain tomorrow. I apologize since I promised to blog more consistantly as of late. It will happen.

Once Per Year

I confess. I'm doing it. I've been doing it for weeks already. Listening to Christmas music, especially when it's not shoved down my throat for eight hours each day, is wonderful fun. All those annoying songs that made me want to scrunch up my fists and scream two years ago now delight me again. Crazy, eh? I was even online yesterday downloading new songs from iTunes. I have big plans to put all the Christmas music I own on my iPod and torture Jason with it as we drive five hours up north this Friday. Yay! I imagine we will be driving into the snow so the music will seem especially appropriate.

I'm one of the weird ones, I think. I'm captivated by snow. I got so excited when it snowed for the first time the other night that I had to call Jason to the door to see it. I caught some on my tongue. Why get upset? Seriously. Unless a person has just been transplanted from Hawaii, snow should not come as a surprise, something to be met with dismay. We get it every year. Every year. It's pretty. There's something very exhilarating about crunching through the crisp white, exhaling a warm cloud with every breath. I love snuggling up under blankets. I love the sound the heat makes when it kicks on at my house. This all makes me believe that I should give skiing a try. I just need to get over my fear of heights and the general idea that ski lifts are not secured and I could fall out. No, seriously, I could. I would panic and fall. Or I need to forget the fact that Jason brained himself to the point of wooziness a couple years ago while snowboarding for the first time. Sounds like an entirely safe sport. Hmmm...maybe I'll give it more thought and stick to catching snow on my tongue for now.

Speaking of snow, let me talk about Hawaii. I've been going through my yearly longings for all things tropical lately. I think I may have even fooled my new Facebook friends into believing I actually live on Maui. Sigh. If only. Jason could be a police officer in paradise by now, happily ticking off the years until he gets to 25 and retirement with a full pension. Again, how bad can crime get on the Valley Isle? I'd just need to get my entire family to move with me. Ten hours on an airplane (a full six over nothing but ocean) would be more than could be tolerated even for a visit, I fear. How would it be to spend Christmas in 80 degree heat? I heard stories of Christmas Day barbeques the last time Jason and I visited and talked with native islanders. Strange. Christmas in shorts and a tank top, with grilled hamburgers? I'm such a fan of experiencing four seasons. I'm not sure I could adjust...even for Maui. But frequent vacations could be tolerated, very well in fact. I think I will start putting money away again. Our next trip will include an additional week and possibly a different island. I suppose it's time to explore the other things Hawaii has to offer.

One more hour until I get to go shopping for snow boots. Is it weird that I live in a state that experiences snow every year and I do not own a pair of snow boots? I'm tired of slipping around in my dress boots or getting snow in my shoes. Enough is enough. Fashion be damned.

I don't like to talk about it but I was able to muster up exactly zero motivation yesterday during my day off. I had a laundry list of chores I could have accomplished. I paid the bills annnnnd...that's it. Oh, and I changed the sheets on our bed at about 11:30 at night. That was my day. Exciting, eh? Today, I worked (or am "working" currently). I called my uncle to tell him that Jason and I will not be able to make Thanksgiving dinner at his house. I attempted to call my mother-in-law to firm up turkey day plans with her, but was thwarted by the answering machine. I did some homework. As was stated, Jason and I are going shopping for boots and winter coats later. Perhaps a Target trip will also be in order as I have a list of items I need (though isn't there always items to need from Target?). Tomorrow, we will venture into the cold yard to clean up the leaves for the last time and possibly hang Christmas lights. I can redeem my weekend still. I have faith.

I also have my sights set on our bedroom. I have a new rug to roll out and trim to paint (yes, four years later there is still trim to paint). I want to wash the curtains and clean the blinds. I'm just trying to decide if I can wrestle the rug down by myself, as Jason doesn't know about it and thinks I'm planning on returning it to IKEA. It will make a bigger statement if he sees it already on the floor and set into place. Harder to return once it's pinned down by our bed. Hee, hee. We'll see what I can get done this week. It's a short one and I have to get ready for our trip up north as well.

Time to be off, I suppose, and find library-related trouble to get into until we close.

My Aloha

When I close my eyes, I can feel the plane banking on approach to paradise. I see the sugarcane fields, a patchwork quilt of green covering the landscape below. Volcanoes rise to my right and to my left, imposing yet inviting in every possible way. All around me blue crashes against my conscious like a pounding wave, but below, a lush oasis in the vast ocean, my oasis.

I am about to leave myself far, far behind. A transformation takes place during the seconds after touchdown. I exist somewhere between the runway and heaven. I begin to smell the fresh island air. I hear the engines wind down. "Welcome to Maui," I hear the pilot say. Indeed. I have found my aloha again.

As Dino and all the other friendly island natives have maintained, Maui no ka'oi. It's true. I find real theraputic benefit in spooning up red raspberry shave ice from a cup so big it could hold a basketball. Where else can I shake hands with my tattoo artist as he arrives still dripping from the ocean? And trust me, there is no replacement for alliviating road rage with the flip of a shaka sign. Waking early each morning with the sole purpose of padding onto the lanai to watch the sunrise reflect over the ocean or to take a leisurely stroll along plumeria-lined paths is to experience pure bliss. My zen is watching sea turtles swimming strong against the current or perhaps catching a glimpse of a sting ray gliding silently through the depths, like a spector through the night. This is the land of flip-flops and board shorts, where even the most staunchly buttoned-up individual is seduced by sea spray and sun. Here I am convinced to soar down a volcano on a bike, hike through a grove of guava trees, explore the drippy and dark inside of a lava tube with nothing more than my nerve and a flashlight, dip a kayak paddle into the ocean, snorkel inside the crator of a dormant volcano, lose myself and the morning walking among lava rocks, take flight over towering waterfalls and consider the fact that, at least for the moment, adventure and I exist together, as one. Here, I find my inner goddess. Here, on this island, at this moment, I am no longer lost, but found. Here, I experience my true self.

Later, as the plane fades into the distance sky, streaking towards reality, I close my eyes again, this time carefully tucking my love, my Maui, into a secure place within my mind. I may already be transforming, leaving heaven for the earth, but I know that I will forever carry my aloha with me. I might hide it from day-to-day life, protecting that which is sacred, but I can draw from it, using its strength and beauty, always...until the day I return.

Mahalo, Maui. I thank you.